Kari Kampakis Encourages Ascension Girls to Choose Kindness, Confidence and Faith

Ascension Episcopal School
Ascension Episcopal School welcomed bestselling author and speaker Kari Kampakis on September 9 for an evening of honest conversation with girls and the women guiding them.

Presented as part of Ascension’s Parent Partnership Series, “Secrets of the Sisterhood” focused on finding real friends, overcoming comparison, and navigating girl drama with kindness, confidence, and faith. Throughout the evening, Kampakis gave students and parents practical language they could use long after the program ended.


Be the friend you hope to find.

Kampakis began with a simple challenge: "Be the friend who you hope to find."
She encouraged girls to recognize that each day brings a choice between chasing popularity and spreading kindness. Instead of entering a room wondering, "How can others help me?" they can ask, "How can I help others?"

Kampakis also encouraged girls to "cast a wide net" by showing kindness to everyone and forming friendships in different areas of their lives. Building connections beyond one close group not only introduces girls to more people; it also gives them a healthier sense of belonging when friendships change.

During the question-and-answer portion, Kampakis reminded students that friendship requires grace.

"You're all young, and you're all learning, and you're all going to make mistakes on each other," she said. "You've got to show each other grace."

Grace does not mean remaining in an unhealthy friendship. Girls can establish boundaries or quietly step back without speaking poorly about the other person or permanently closing the door.


Choose celebration over comparison.

Kampakis encouraged girls to become "balcony friends" - the people who cheer for one another, celebrate each other's strengths, and offer encouragement.

"Nobody has to lose their race for you to win your race," she said.

Comparison can make another person's success feel threatening, but healthy friendships leave room for both girls to grow. Kampakis explained that kindness is not weakness. Girls can be kind and strong, ambitious and faithful, while still celebrating what others do well.

She also encouraged students to interrupt negative self-talk by replacing it with what God says about them.

"Take your thoughts captive and give them to Christ," she said. "Retrain your brain."
Instead of repeating thoughts such as "I'm not good enough" or "Nobody likes me," girls can remind themselves: "I am beloved. I am God's masterpiece. I am His child." Recognizing and using their God-given gifts also helps girls develop confidence grounded in purpose rather than comparison.


Choose close friends wisely.

Kampakis reminded students that trust develops slowly. It is built by watching someone's choices, character, and values over time.

Real friends help one another become the best versions of themselves and do not continually create drama. Kampakis described "50/50 friends" as those who bring confusion, stir up conflict, or make others feel as though they must walk on eggshells.
When conflict does arise, girls can ask themselves, "How can I speak the truth in love?" Difficult conversations are most helpful when they happen privately, calmly, and with the goal of helping rather than embarrassing someone.

Kampakis also challenged students not to wait passively for friendship to find them. Learning to introduce themselves, extend invitations, and include others can change another girl's experience.

"What if your invitation is the answer to their prayer?" she asked.


Continuing the conversation at home

Families can continue the discussion by asking:
  • Am I being the kind of friend I hope to find?
  • Do my closest friendships help me become my best self?
  • How can I celebrate someone instead of comparing myself to her?
  • Is there someone who may be waiting for my invitation?
  • What truth does God say about me when negative thoughts begin to take over?
Kampakis' visit gave Ascension families a shared language for conversations about friendship, confidence, and faith. It also reflected the purpose of the Parent Partnership Series: bringing families and the school together to help students navigate the opportunities and challenges of growing up.

📸 Photo credit: Mason Guillory '27
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    The Episcopal Church of the Ascension School (Ascension Episcopal School) admits qualified students without regard to race, religion, sexual orientation, or national origin. We are a welcoming community.